Back to life, Back to reality

I am back in Brisbane; was away for about 2 months for a (supposedly) preliminary data collection in Malaysia. I only spent about a week on my research and the rest was like a break cum holiday. I managed to catch up on things with my loved ones- family, friends and colleagues and really treasure every moment spent especially with my beloved hubby. Priceless. Well, at least I was able to finish a 2-page article proposal for a well known journal in the field that I am researching (I want to enjoy the holiday with less guilt).

It was hard to be separated again with my other half. I was in tears almost all the way from Shah Alam to Brisbane. As he has put it~intermittent shower in the morning, later drizzling and ended up with cats and dogs and a heavy storm. I know it was hard for him as well but this is the price that we need to pay. Sacrifice- that's the word! And I am recovering-slowly. Picking up my momentum. May Allah ease this journey and grant me (and him)strength! Ameen.

Hikmah yang tersembunyi

Pengalaman kira-kira setahun berada di luar negara, menjadi seorang pelajar PHD sememangnya sungguh berharga. Prosesnya tidak mudah. Onak dan duri perlu ditempuh. Walaubagaimanapun, setelah setahun berlalu, tidaklah terlalu sukar untuk diharungi.

Bila kita berada diluar negara, cabarannya berbeza khususnya untuk pelajar-pelajar pasca siswazah (postgrad) yang rata-ratanya telah berkeluarga dan beranak pinak. Kekangan kewangan, masa dan gaya hidup yang berbeza menuntut pengorbanan. Dulu semasa saya menjadi pelajar undergrad di Cardiff, pengalaman sungguh berbeza. Maklumlah masa tu saya masih muda dan single, jadi masalah yang datang biasanya kecil dan mudah diatasi.

Tapi apa yang saya rasakan buat PHD didalam negara juga punya cabaran yang sangat besar, khususnya dalam membahagi-bagikan masa antara komitmen keluarga dan PHD research itu sendiri. Urusan keluarga sendiri dan keluarga sebelah mertua adalah sebahagian daripada perkara yang tidak dapat dielakan. Daripada kenduri kesyukuran, kenduri arwah, birthday party, kenduri kahwin dan sebagainya- semua perlu dihadiri. Itu belum lagi dengan proses mengumpul maklumat untuk kajian kes. Maklum sajalah- rasanya ramai yang sedar dan sinonim dengan tahap kerahsiaan maklumat yang ada. Semuanya "confidential".

Ringkasnya, setiap individu punya cabaran yang tersendiri. Destinasinya sama - segulung ijazah PHD, tapi laluannya berbeza. Semuanya perlukan pengorbanan yang mungkin tidak terjangkau fikiran semasa. Kepada Allah kita berserah dan panjatkan doa. Mudah-mudahan ada ganjaran yang menanti, jika tidak disini, disana pasti! InsyaAllah.

Aku mahu pulang

Perasaan hari ini bercampur baur. Terlalu gembira kerana saya akan pulang ke Mesia kepangkuan suami dan keluarga tercinta. Teruja untuk kembali ke tanahair dan menghirup udara Malaysia yang telah hampir setahun ditinggalkan. Tapi hati berbelah bagi memandangkan ada lagi kerja-kerja PHD yang masih belum selesai dan memerlukan perhatian. Supervisor juga masih menanti pembetulan kepada dokumen confirmation yang telah dibentangkan kepada panel kira-kira 2 minggu yang lalu. Walaupun mungkin pembetulan tersebut mengambil masa tidak lama, tetapi hati dan perasaan saya tidak boleh tertumpu pada kerja-kerja PHD semenjak hari pembentangan tersebut. Kali ini saya akan pulang dengan menggalas bebanan di bahu, kerana saya juga akan membuat kerja-kerja awal pengumpulan maklumat berkaitan dengan kajian PHD ini.

Setiap waktu saya berdoa, semoga Allah memudahkan urusan saya dan memandu saya dalam membuat apa jua keputusan. Saya serahkan kepadaNya, segala-galanya. Semua adalah ketentuanNya. Kita manusia hanya boleh merancang, tapi Dia yang menentukan segala-galanya.

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

This is another one, to inspire me for the journey ahead!

Michael Jackson - You Are Not Alone

This is one of my all time favourite song! Enjoy.

I am always here for you everyone my dear family and friends!!!.

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, the Almighty!!

Salam everyone! It's been a while since my last jottings. I may have a list of lame excuses - but I was truly a busy lady for the past couple of months. It was all because of my confirmaton of candidature (COC) which was due on the month 12 of my PHD candidature.

My COC seminar was held on the 5/5/2010. And before that, I need to submit my document to the faculty and obviously series of meetings with my beloved supervisors! And making the situation even worse, I fall sick just before the seminar itself. I was down with a high fever, running nose, thumping headache, annoying coughs, sorethroat and a very heavy and painful period. And those have made me to stay in bed, doing nothing (apart form worrying about the COC itself) for at least 3 solid days.

Alhamdulillah, the presentation went well. Thanks to Allah and I owe my husband and my parents much for this success as well. I've been ringing them at almost every hour before the presentation. I asked them to pray for me and they did performed solat hajat for me too. My friends were also very supportive. With their continuous emotional support and of course with Allah's will, I have managed to come this far.

And the journey has just begun. It will be another 2 years of undulating journey and bumpy rides. I remember they always say- it will be a bigger mountain afer the coc. And I will need to climb again, slowly and steadily.

In short, Alhamdulillah!

It's been a year!

Dear All,

It's been a year now since I enrolled myself as a research student at QUT. Time really flies. 12 months of ups and downs, the joy and laughter, the sorrows and tears and I must say that the whole journey is like a real roller coaster ride.

What have I achieved so far? Hmmm... not much, but hey-look at the followings- which otherwise may not be attained if I don't enroll as a PHD student here at QUT; (aren't they considered as achievements too)?

I have produced a book chapter - I am so proud of myself for this
My article has been published
My abstract(s) has been accepted to an international conference(s)
I have my "adik beradik sepusat sepusing" - and brizzy kiddos whom I adore so much~ farhana, aqil, mardiah, najmi, zahim, izwah, aiman, mia, alya, ammar, hanna, hamzah
I make new friends from all over the globe - Ausies, Sri Lankan, Singaporean, Turkish, Chinese, Iranian, Indian, Brazilian
I feel much closer to my husband and my family- guess this is what they called as "absence makes the hearts grow fonder"
I have read (printed and downloaded-more likely) tonnes and tonnes of journal papers and articles
I am an avid public transport user - I am more environmentally conscious now, I am sad when they almost cut down a big tree behind my flat.
I have polished my cooking skills- I baked my own cakes and cookies, and the MYRESEPI url is a must visit daily
I discover new hobbies - blog hopping, internet surfing is my daily routine; i did some online shopping too..hehe
I am becoming a more tech savvy person- i-phone, wii, facebooking, wifi, lappy, blue rays <-- they are my best buddies now
I am polishing my writing skills, and the vocabs too
I read Quran almost everyday - and thanks to the digital Quran from i-tunes

And more importantly, I feel much closer to Allah the Almighty. And I guess - the solitude has made me a stronger person ever, internally. I am still an old me, but I feel much stronger inside. Oh Allah - I am so grateful for this.

Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan untukmu dadamu?,
Dan Kami telah menghilangkan dari padamu bebanmu,
yang memberatkan punggungmu?
Dan Kami tinggikan bagimu sebutan (nama)mu.
Karena sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan,
sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan.
Maka apabila kamu telah selesai (dari sesuatu urusan), kerjakanlah dengan sungguh-sungguh (urusan) yang lain,dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah hendaknya kamu berharap.


Maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?