PHD- familiar but distant

A PHD friend always reminds me that PHD is a lonely journey and I couldn't agree more about it. I went to see my SV yesterday and for a record- it was the first time I requested for a meeting as normally it was him who would call for one.

We had a lengthy discussion on certain issues related to my research - both about the process and the content. I realised his peculiar look when I raised certain issues, which he thinks should have been resolved earlier. I remember he said
"it's been a year and I thought they are all in a perfect order by now" - gosh!!!

It was about the research design! How am I supposed to conduct the research in a logical manner with some theoretical and academically sound techniques. Arrrgghhhh.. my confirmation is nearing- just around the corner and I am far from ready. Though things look familiar to me - yet they are so distant - and that puts me in a vague mode!!

Oh Allah- i turn to YOU. As always.

A piece of advice

I wish to share the following piece of advice from a friend. She wrote to me a couple of days ago when I told her that I was down with my research. And I am so blessed to have her as my friend. My true friend. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

****
The progress of one's PHD depends a lot on oneself. You could slooow down when you feel too stressful; you could up the tempo when you feel your research needs a push. In short, you decide the rhythm of your PHD - just you & your research - within the stipulated 3-4 years. simple life=) whereas, working as a lecturer, you are bogged down with - students, lectures, tutorials, quizzes, exam questions, vetting, marking tons of scripts, evaluate presentations etc - these have their own deadlines.

To add to these as a lecturer, we need secure grants, start our research lab, train postgrads (with so many ragam & kerenah), prepare grant reports, endless meetings, committee conference work, grant presentations, guide postdocs, politicking, write papers and only then finally, have the time to update oneself with one's research. I miss going to the lab - buat labwork - but i don't have the time to continuously be in the lab. nowadays, i'm more like an armchair scientist... so that's why i'm looking forward to my sabbatical - it's an opportunity to be free again and focus on just research;-) that said, do enjoy your phd life. despite some 'downs', I remember lots of the 'ups' time - that it's one of the best years in my life, and may not be likely to happen again;-)


A PhD is akin to a journey of searching for one's soul, one's voice in the midst of so many voices around us. At some points in the journey, one needs to move two steps backwards, before one could take a step forward. I've backtracked my work so many times - that at one time, I could do some reactions without looking at my lab book ie similar like you cooking the yummy asam pedas without a cook book!;-)

FYI, during my PhD, my first year results were not strong enough to turn into a convincing story - so it became a middle chapter just to beef up my thesis. It's my work in the second and third years that turned out to be my core story. Some people are somewhat quite lucky that PhD was a breezy 2.5 years etc. But honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed my time during my PhD - made more enjoyable and fun with good companies and support from friends, supervisors and family=)


It's normal to feel tak bersemangat when you are in research. if you feel that way, try to talk to your hubby and families back home; talk to your office mates; take a walk; read a book that would move/improve your spirits or anything to rejuvenate your spirits. sometimes, remembering why you are here would work. i knew getting a phd is like a one-way street - i couldn't afford to go back without one coz we have all put in all hopes, efforts and dreams in this phd. so i carried on plodding everday, lama-lama benda yang susah jadi lebih senang.
banyaklah juga berdoa - it's the time i felt closest to Allah too=)

hope i haven't rambled too much;-)
and hope this would help bring back the 'fighting' spirit in you to carry on getting with PhD. InsyaAllah!

Inspiring friends

Whenever I am worried about my PHD research, I will always look at the list of names which I put on my board to inspire me. They are my close friends who have completed (are completing)the PHD journey.


PM Dr Hajah Dasimah
PM Dr Hajah Hafazah
PM Dr Fatimah
PM Dr Hazlina
PM Dr Rosmin
PM Dr Jamalunlaili
Dr Mariana
Dr Syahriah
Dr Zaini
Dr Reza
(Dr)Puziah
(Dr)Siti Mazwin
(Dr)Zamreen
(Dr)Yusfida
(Dr)Anis Sazira
(Dr Ani Saifuza
(Dr)Maimon
(Dr)Izzamir
(Dr)Salbiah
(Dr)Alamah
(Dr)Maizura
(Dr)Hafiszah
(Dr)Norbaya
(Dr)Wan Rabiah
(Dr)Suharto
(Dr)Kushairi
(Dr)Hasniyati
(Dr)Zulhabri
(Dr)Yuhanis
(Dr)Kartina
(Dr)Oliver
(Dr)Noraliani
(Dr)Nor Arbina
(Dr)Zaiton
(Dr)Juhazren
(Dr)Norashikin
(Dr)Gee

and the list goes on and on....(an phewwww!! what an exhaustive list) - they are not listed according to any order.

So Muna - it as as simple as - if they can do it, so can you!!!!!

Uplifting Song

Uplifting song.

I find this song is really uplifting especially at times when my fighting spirit is low. So, enjoy everyone!!!



The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Maal Hijrah 1431 and New Year 2010

New year - old me!

It has been a while since my last jottings. I've been a bit busy with my research (or at least making myself looks busy). My supervisor is away for his year end break until middle of January. Too bad, he has set some deadlines for me - to make sure that I am always in the gear. [i think he knows me well enough by now- procastination is my middle name].

My confirmation is due in less than 3 months from now. And I am yet to have a clear mind on the real direction of my research especially on the researh design and the (actual) method. The theoretical part is almost there, and so is the literature review. The conceptual framework to set the foundation of this research may need a bit of polishing though.

This is an exploratory research, or as my supervisor puts it- a problem based research. Hence, he always reminds me that I don't probably need to really emphasize on the the research philosophies in my writing (anyway I don't fully agree to him about this). And I may need to convince him about this.

It seems that my supervisor is more confident than me. He knows that I am capable to conduct and complete this research. He is very confident and I can always recall his words "I have faith in you" - but - probably due to my low self esteem, I am in doubt.

And maybe it is hightime for me to find solutions to boost my self esteem. And probably the new year 2010/1431 is the perfect time for me to set my new resolutions. May Allah ease this lonely journey! Ameen.