Rambling -Part 1

I don't know how shall I start this post. Today is exactly a month I did not see my husband since he left me for Malaysia (he was here for the Eid celebration). I have never expected that this separation is so painful especially at this point of my life where I am really in need of an emotional support. Being away from him is the biggest challenge that I need to face in this lonely journey and I have to admit, it is really hard and sometimes unbearable.

Being separated was not in our plans in the beginning when I first decided to further my study in Australia. Initially, he was supposed to resign from his present job and be with me in Brisbane. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen matters and the hiccups in the Australian economy, we changed our plans. He will still continue working in Malaysia - at least for another year and we will only meet occasionally (either I go back to Malaysia or he flies to Brisbane).

We have been married for about 7 years now. Since day one of our marriage, he has been my greatest company and my best(est)buddy ever. What's more important--he will always be there whenever I need a shoulder to cry on and he never let me down. He taught me to always see things in a positive way and never ever underestimate the power of others. He is a kind hearted person and maybe due to that he is always loved by many especially his family and friends. We have never been separated for this long. Although he maybe just a phone call away - I really miss him. His voice does not able to stop the pain. I miss his presence, his face, his jokes, his voice, his smell, his warmth, his huggs .. basically his everything. I miss HIM dearly!!!!

To Abang- your absence has made my heart grew fonder. Love you always.

Oh Allah, please forgive me and please give me strength to face the challenges of this lonely journey.

I wrote the following poem about 3 months ago (and I am still coping living without him)

Baru 3 bulan kulalui
Tiap detik menghitung hari
Namun perjalanan ini masih jauh lagi
Allah saja yang Maha mengetahui
Betapa sunyi dan sepi
Kadang-kadang kosongnya hati
Jiwa merana tak terperi

Takut, bimbang, keluh, kesah perlu diharungi -sendiri
Sakit, pening, lenguh, penat perlu ubati- sendiri
Tak faham? Tak jumpa? Stuck?Confuse?Blur? -kena settle –sendiri
Gerun nak meeting supervisor – rasa sendiri
Lampu rosak, mentol terbakar, sinki tersumbat, urusan bil - sendiri
Balik sekolah malam- lari2 -sendiri
Lapar?Dahaga - pandai2 lah masak sendiri

Bila kanda tiada disisi
Semangat adinda sang isteri
Seperti roda tak bertali
Kadang digunung kadang dikali

Oh suami..
Rindu, kasih tidak bertepi
Cinta, sayang menggunung tinggi
Terbayang kenangan indah hanya dalam mimpi
Airmata yang jadi saksi
Terlalu banyak yang mengalir dipipi
Ibarat kata orang “berbaldi-baldi”
Kalaulaaa boleh digambarkan macam dalam movie
Memang sungguh tragis bunyi

Tapi aku tabahkan hati
Demi cita-cita diri
Agama dan family
Harapan menggunung dari suami
Kerajaan dan universiti
Pelajar, rakan pensyarah dan dekan fakulti
Aku akan berlari, berlari dan terus kencang berlari
Selagi nafas belum berhenti
Bersama doa tak putus-putus dipanjatkan kepada Ilahi
Semoga halangan dapat direntasi
Semoga gunung dapat didaki
Semoga lautan dapat direnangi
Semoga kejayaan yang menanti
Dimanafaatkan dan menggembirakan semua hati
Ohhhhhhh...... PHD!!!!!!

MoonQUT, BRISBANE,
MAY 2009